Not a week goes by without the news of a new feminicide. But the case of Giulia Cecchettin and Filippo Turetta it left us even more shocked, because this time it involved boys. What has changed in society and in men's minds? How should women behave? We asked him Annamaria Bernardini de Pace, famous lawyer of the Milan Bar since 1989, specialized in civil law with particular attention to family law, personal law and the protection of assets, on whose table over 300 cases arrive every year.
Lawyer, from your observation, how do you evaluate the episode of the two Venetian boys? Until now we had seen adults violently attack women. What does this new episode in which the protagonists are boys tell us? Some attribute the fact to a patriarchal culture. What do you think?
“It's not the fault of a patriarchal culture. The episode of these two boys highlights
the great lack of attention of parents towards their children, lack of sharing life and emotions. Parents behave towards their children as towards followers: they only aim to get likes. But they don't teach, they never say no, they always say yes to avoid facing a confrontation and in this way they get rid of the problem. Boys, on the other hand, are trained with rules, explanations and punishments. Otherwise they don't become emotionally adults: they don't accept other people's decisions, they don't know how to manage the sense of possession. And not even the pain."
If kids don't have guidance from their parents, how do they gather information? What is the role of the internet and social media?
“Instead of finding answers from parents, we now turn to the Internet for everything. Even for sex. Just look at the success of porn sites, where there is not a caress, a kiss, but rather slaps, vulgarity and we immediately move on to penetration. The same goes for the influence that films starring serial killers have on young people. The teachers have become TV and social media. Just look at how many families behave at the restaurant: the youngest with an iPad, the others with their mobile phones, including adults: there is a total lack of sharing and the children are lost and mentally demented. In addition to the fact that they see adults themselves behaving violently."
What is happening to men? Why all this violence against women? What's going through their heads?
“Men are exploding. The sense of possession of an ungrown spoiled child prevails, who wants everything for himself, who breaks games out of anger. And when he becomes an adult he breaks women. They are men who have not learned to control situations in the correct way."
Lawyer, tell us 3 pieces of advice you give to women.
“Women must learn to defend themselves. And they must do it first of all by avoiding being alone with men who are no good, with those children who have never grown up. Furthermore, they must understand, and I am referring to the feminist movements of the moment, that the "right to do what I want" is different from the "right to freedom": freedom must be protected and protected. If I walk in a minefield I have to pay attention to where I step, if I walk in the middle of the road, something unpleasant could happen to me. Likewise, it is necessary to evaluate the risks of situations and behave accordingly. Finally, women must learn to react, not to be victims. In the 70s they said "the uterus is mine, the body is mine, and I manage it". In the same way, rather than demonstrating against the government or against men, women need to take responsibility for their own protection into their own hands."
There have been over 100 murders recorded since the beginning of the year in Italy, the victims of which are women. From your observation, does it seem to you that there has in fact been an increase in violence or is it being talked about more and have complaints increased?
“The data says that the violence itself has actually decreased, but certainly now there are more reports and therefore it is talked about more. It is said that women now have more courage to report: but it is not a question of courage, reporting is a duty."
What context does a woman find who makes a complaint of violence?
“Unfortunately, once a complaint has been made, women do not always find people and professions specialized in managing situations of violence. There is a lack of training for the institutions: for the police, for the nurses, for the hospitals, for the lawyers. Each of these figures must be able to manage the situation. But there is a lack of training."
